eighteen | god

you would think
by the way that
she floated
instead of walking...
that she would be
a god of some sorts.
she had control
in places that were
rebellious.
places that even
satan couldn't
burn or torture
with fire.
he wasn't great enough
to reach them.
living in hot places,
leaving her grace
mesmerizing minds
and capturing hearts.
with her legs,
she had people
on their knees,
bowing their
heads,
praying to experience
a love like
her.
praying to a god like her.

seventeen | record player

i hear the song
your heart sung to me
every night.
it's like a record
that keeps playing.
i'm trying to forget it.

sixteen | inside

i am having to step outside
of myself
to understand
within.

fifteen | poets

there are some poets,
whose words are like hugs
from small children to me.
these poets are greater than
they imagine.

fourteen | broken

i am touching you
over and
over
and over again,
wondering why
you don't feel
whole.
you break into pieces
inside of my
palms.

thirteen | your lover

i left your body
with love bruises
hoping to
alert
your lover
that someone else
was in her home.

twelve | past

i wonder why
my past
still holds onto me.
i'm moving forward,
but they still
won't let go.

healing | eleven

feel me healing
when i write to you.
i used love in my words. 

ten | maps

it's how we started in the beginning.
falling in, stepping out.
thinking that love was all
that could save us.
i almost forgot
how our families had made it,
we were trying to follow the same map
they used to get where they were going.
have you ever seen
a map,
with missing pieces.

nine | sun and moon

i try to
give you a call
at least once a day,
to check up on you
to remind myself that
i haven't forgotten about you.
to see if you still remember
my scent.
i hold on to that.
i know that the moon
holds onto the nighttime,
and i can't understand
why you can't be the sun,
and i be your day.
you never answer.
i haven't seen
daylight since.

seven| letting go

sometimes,
the trouble that you put
into keeping something
together,
trying to stop it
from falling into little
pieces..
is much harder than
letting it go.
watch how the wind
blows the leaves,
and how the leaves
are never afraid to go
into new places.

six

no hard feelings for those who left me
when i was broken.
some burdens are too heavy to hold.

five

love has become
so foreign to me,
leaving me in
dark alleys and
hidden rooms
locked away from the sun.
I have replaced it with
memories of laughter,
of hope,
but love doesn't
sleep
under my sheets
curled up next to me
anymore.
love doesn't stay up
to see if I will make it home
safely.
love left me alone.

four.

i am looking
for myself
in cotton candy
arrangments
and blue raspberry
skies.
hoping to stumble
upon the
cloud
that leaves me
fully rested
when i rise.

three

the way
the dress flows
over your legs
leaving me with
teal memories
remind me
of how your
gentle heart
took me under
when i thought
death
was more reasonable
than living
without sunshine.
thank you,
forever thankful.

two

you were a terrorist
to my mind.
setting off bombs,
in places where
i loved myself most.
left me with fire
in my veins,
needles in my eyes,
tears i cant cry
for the fear of you.
of becoming what you
made me.

one

past memories haunt.
torturing my soul
with thorns on roses
from lovers,
that whispered i love you
with clenched fists.

stars (to remind you)

stars.
stars every where.
stars reminding me
of my place on this earth.
that i have a place on this earth.
stars reminding me that love
is not a infinite existence.
reminding me love is short,
like a candle,
slowly melting,
but revitalizing the room.
reminding me that
hugs are a reminder
that good things
only last
for a second,
when compared to
stars.
stars reminding me
that existence is important,
memories can be painful
like grandmother raising her
voice like
a goddess
of another world
when you've spoiled your appetite
with desserts,
and lust,
and your distaste in men.
stars.
stars reminding you of the night
you reached down into your purse,
and found something
stronger than apple cider,
something to keep you from runnin'
back to the man
that put your trust
inside of his arm,
and crushed it.
stars.
like when you closed your eyes
too tight
and you waited for life
to finally show
you what it's really about.
stars.

How You Left Me

the first person
that touched me
after you
left me dirty like
tear stained,
full of snot
handkerchiefs.
i guess when you
expect love
to come out of
sweaty backs
and sex bitten necks,
you set yourself
up
for a
down
fall.
crazy how i
stumbled out of your
bed
and into the next's.
now i won't let anyone
get close enough
to touch me.