previous encounters

of course I've been fucked before

men dragging their lies

up and down

my legs

kissing me with strangers lips,

kissing me with the lips of their lovers

leaving me a delicious unfinished meal.

I had been a home for the wounded,

in between battles,

waiting for their next wife,

their previous lover 

to love them again. 

I had become a 

drawer

of unwritten love letters,

just blank pieces of paper

empty pieces of hearts. 

traditions

being defined as something 

based on the extensive

care and compassion of men,

leading me down a "fatherly lane"

when you had no father 

to come home to

after school dances. 

don't let them put labels on you

because they think you should 

be a direct 

clone of their beliefs,

a copy machine

of understandings,

that you never really understood,

much less believed in. 

loner

I do not fear being alone.
alone-ness has been the only thing that stands faithfully beside me.
the only thing that keeps me warm at night.
what a lonely contradiction.

changes

i don't know what
will become of me,
what they're asking from me,
how i became one
thing
the opposite
from another.
where has my love gone,
dried up
guarded
lifeless.
my romance,
lifeless.
have i been away from home that long.

note to self

give me vodka for my troubles.
promise me,
you won't let sober words
fall in love with my drunken thoughts.
i am a dream within a dream
within a question of existence.
don't complicate me any further.

april

i havent forgotten.
but the same smells that
left me speechless
are new homes now.

beginning

forgive me,
time has been falling
into pieces around me
leaving me
counting on my fingers
"when."
"when?"
trying to put ten
into a lifetime.

destruction.

i've found myself
writing and creating
and tearing it all up.