grapefruit

grapefruit juice,
drippin off the side
of your mouth,
leaving your hands all
sticky
and sweet smellin.
i told you,
lovin me
is like pickin
the
sweetest juiciest
fruit of love.
did you ever imagine
me?

hand washing

remember to wash your
hands.
you've got coal
and dirt
left over from
messy hearts.
your soul don't live in the
slums
anymore.
you are home.

post summer growth

let yourself be
a flower
blooming.
no longer in a dark alley.
your words are honey
and love now.

Lessons in Overthinking

1. The only reason your heart fights alone
is because you can never get your
mind to follow.

2. Playing a dictator to a heavy sword
is much easier than loving with a soft soul.

3. You remember all the seeds of lies
that were planted outside of your home,
and you water them as if
they were the only ways
you were loved.

4. You think that the stars have put you here,
but really you thoughtfully manifested
your heart breaking.

5. Painfully, your mind believes you
are a damsel in distress,
always to be
alone.

and with much of nothing left

I've taken the sincerest thoughts of you,

and I have left my heart open,

without guard,

dripping of vulnerability and optimism. 

Purposely, 

I left time to reveal how cruel 

fate could really be

and my God, 

not that I have the best track record 

with working on my knees (forcing my eyes shut and 

feeling uncomfortable 

as I clasped my hands together), 

but my god, 

was fate as cold as a Minnesota winter.

love note

i am my own favorite heart to love.

magic

magic exists in the believer.
it manifests from the beauty of self.
when the soul
builds off of it’s own wisdom.

healing ii

i want to completely undo myself.
rinse my pieces,
find my peace,
and put myself back together again.

detail

attention.
to detail.
leaving me homeless,
grasping at how i could let
love
make me stare idly into
an eclipse.
i made myself this way,
i let the scars and the battles
teach me that
love,
love doesn't provide much
when you can't place your heart
inside of your lover's arms.
love doesn't keep you warm at night,
when you can't trust what you are
loving.
disappointment comes in waves,
in sequences,
washing over you,
taking you over.
and you pay attention to detail,
recognizing that
you were fortunate enough
to end up back on shore.

previous encounters

of course I've been fucked before

men dragging their lies

up and down

my legs

kissing me with strangers lips,

kissing me with the lips of their lovers

leaving me a delicious unfinished meal.

I had been a home for the wounded,

in between battles,

waiting for their next wife,

their previous lover 

to love them again. 

I had become a 

drawer

of unwritten love letters,

just blank pieces of paper

empty pieces of hearts. 

traditions

being defined as something 

based on the extensive

care and compassion of men,

leading me down a "fatherly lane"

when you had no father 

to come home to

after school dances. 

don't let them put labels on you

because they think you should 

be a direct 

clone of their beliefs,

a copy machine

of understandings,

that you never really understood,

much less believed in. 

loner

I do not fear being alone.
alone-ness has been the only thing that stands faithfully beside me.
the only thing that keeps me warm at night.
what a lonely contradiction.

changes

i don't know what
will become of me,
what they're asking from me,
how i became one
thing
the opposite
from another.
where has my love gone,
dried up
guarded
lifeless.
my romance,
lifeless.
have i been away from home that long.

note to self

give me vodka for my troubles.
promise me,
you won't let sober words
fall in love with my drunken thoughts.
i am a dream within a dream
within a question of existence.
don't complicate me any further.

april

i havent forgotten.
but the same smells that
left me speechless
are new homes now.

beginning

forgive me,
time has been falling
into pieces around me
leaving me
counting on my fingers
"when."
"when?"
trying to put ten
into a lifetime.

destruction.

i've found myself
writing and creating
and tearing it all up.

sun and moon

she is something
i saw in my dreams,
and worshipped.

he is something
i banned myself from.
toxic.

i loved them both,
into a storm.
a relationship
always forbidden.

release

some poems don't make it past my fingertips.
leaving me hungry
and hurting
for more.

january

i had comfort with lonely.
lonely seldom left for long
enough to me to become
wrapped up
in someone else.
i'm still learning from
hurting.
i'm still growing from healing. 

words

sometimes the words
just
f
a
l
l
together for me.
flowing gently,
and abrasively.
leaving me with marks of
stories i thought i would
have never whispered
except in silence
right before my death.
the words,
they have become friends to me,
and i have told the story to them.

destined

we will overcome with the
grace we have been given.

time

can't we just love for the times
we have spent together.
must we rush time?

limitless

when my mind provided me with
limits.
my heart provided me with
passion.
thank you soul,
thank you sun,
thank you love.

faith

faith provides me
with
closure.
one will never come back
the same way they came.

where were you

i can't count how many times
i called your name,
and you never once
turned your head to speak.

raining

the rain
touching me
falling from me,
becoming me.
hearts racing,
lips resting
on my lover's skin.
we placed our hands
on each other,
softly,
holding hands,
and becoming
nature.

chaos

to be into something
to be completely wrapped up
caught in
a spiral
of feelings,
to ask for logic
but to only receive emotion,
it will leave you in chaos.
it will leave you with lessons.

strings

you exist within
a realm
that leaves you
holding on
to string,
carrying yourself
through broken bottles.
you believe you are a person
smaller than
a rain drop.
your soul is the size
of the universe.