in love with self

I am
The flower
That bloomed
In the closet
That stood tall
In the lonely garden.
That showed love
To the broken hearted.

3 Months of Solitary

Month One.

A single flower

Blooming

in a dark room

fed Confusion,

Disgust,

and 

Frustration. 

Month Two. 

Flowers

grow

even in the darkest

places,

even the most

beautiful flowers,

find

solitude

in a lonely

garden.

Month Three.

the flower

sprouts

a

bud.

lovers nature

I'll journey softly with you,
careful enough not
to ruin your leaves,
and upset your roots,
but beside you,
so you can know that
I am the wind,
gently blowing
with
you.

lovers holding

I am
holding
your hand
reminding you
of how warm
and close
love is.

my words have energy

Let
My
Words
Create
Galaxies
In
Your
Heart.

Space

Maybe
my world
and your world
were meant to collide
and create a beautiful universe
on its own.
Something only we
would understand.

Let me remind you of how love feels

I know you forgot,

But I loved you

Even when

You became 

A disaster. 

Here is my reminder. 

For Lee

Sophisticated individual

Falling

Into 

Life's complications

And frustrations,

trying to

keep the

peace and solitude

in your heart.

The joy.

you know you're worth a thousand

words

our memories are worth 

a thousand pictures. 

You are magnificent.

And I'm not fond of cliches

But 

You are still the mighty superman

in my comic book.

Let the sun

open up your heart

And shine light into the feelings

of hurt

in your soul. 

Let me place strong roots

that birth luscious trees

with the greenest leaves

and the sweetest fruit

inside of your heart

to intensify

your love. 

I happy you.

I happy your happy.

Journey

I
broke
many oceans,
climbed
many mountains,
cried
many tears
to get here.
my shoes are broken,
but my soul is
stronger,
now that I know
how
calm
alone is.

You have the tools you need

I am not a temporary solution 

to solve your forever lonely problems. 

I am not the x 

nor the y you are solving for. 

I am not a perpendicular line that you experience once and 

then go on your way.

Either love me forever

or leave me alone.

Find what you are looking for 

inside of yourself. 

Mathematics does not

hold the solutions

to my love. 

I cannot find the answer

to fix your self. 

the cycle of forgettting

I didn't realize how badly
I wanted you around,
until you decided
to describe me
as something that you
constantly remember.
After not spending
over 15 years,
in the home
that nursed my scabbed
knees,
and held my
Sunday dinners,
I could barely remember
what color the walls were.
(how interesting is it
that I remember the short
rose bush
that housed pink roses,
outside in the front of the house)
I thought I would have a
harder time
remembering something
that I thought
I had forgotten.
I thought I had forgotten you.
Love showed me otherwise.
(The roses are still blooming)

love

love.

the nutrients that fuel

my every being,

pulling me closer to the

sunlight

on the dark days.

even when I feel alone,

I feel as though

love is still holding on to me.

grasping my hips,

holding my hand.

the maiden name

of my ancestors.

my destiny.

what I walk towards

every morning when

the sun whispers over my skin,

and the sound of birds

bury themselves inside of my

ears. 

beautiful.

love makes everything beautiful.

even the dirty things,

getting your toes muddy,

having your eyes 

covered in 

salt water.

still beautiful.

I've learned that love

is the very meaning

of my existence.

The very thing that

takes me out of the physical world

and puts my words

my spirit.

in the hearts of others.

one unfinished love story

I think that your
deep brown skin,
and your
smooth accent
heavy voice
could be good for me.
yet,
ill never let my mouth
whisper your name
until. . .

One Day, You will love me

to the man that will love me
unconditionally,
for eternity.
your gentleness is appreciated.
your sensitivity,
when the world tells you to be
hard,
is noticed,
and adored.
your strength to tell me
the truth,
even when it burns the
tip of your tongue,
I am thankful for that.
While you learn
the curves of my body,
as well as the change
in my tone,
patience will be understood,
forgiveness will be known,
love will always be there.

stop forcing yourself

I am starting to realize
that my alone time
is just as valuable
than my time with others.
I am learning this,
after years of forcing myself
to be in an overwhelming amount
of social situations,
for too long
for the sake of society's
"guidelines".
I am happier now.

do not ask for too much of something

There's a thin line
when receiving what you
have asked for.
Sometimes you receive
exactly what you want,
in a perfect amount.
Other times,
you get an overwhelming
flow of what
you thought you wanted,
but in abundance,
you realize you don't
want it much at all.
Ask for what you need.

understanding

I want him to understand
that sometimes,
I am full of an innocent joy.
I will wake up,
as goofy as a child on an early Saturday morning,
and I will leave corny
love letters
throughout the day,
bringing across the laughter
of a youth
seeing a clown.
Other days,
I want him to be the fire inside of my mind,
and slightly burning up my thighs,
and the kisses on my neck,
and
I want him to be here,
beside me,
under me,
on top of me.
But..
sometimes, I am
cold.
I prefer to be left alone,
to experience my feelings
by myself.
Sometimes I will act like I don't
want him around,
but I will expect him to love me anyways.
I will expect him to love me anyways.
on the darkest days,
on the days where nothing but passion
flows out of my mouth,
and some days I will want the youth
of love.

me

I am combination of demons,
blended in with the most beautiful
flowers.
I am a thunderstorm,
on a summer day.
Don't let me
destroy you
with love.

the motions of my mind

I am teaching myself
how to be comfortable with
crying one second,
then smiling the next.

temptation

temptation.
a manipulation of the mind
to believe that my legs
would be best placed around your neck.
the feeling of a hot shower,
with you,
when we know we aren't supposed to.
me touching you in places
that belong to the darkness.
belief that the lust,
deep in your veins,
will keep me safe at night,
when I know
this is only
a late night,
rendezvous
that should never have
happened.
temptation

distance

Distance was the best teacher for me,
about you.
And though you’re far away,
I constantly feel close,
to you.

it would be a nice gift,
for you to be my bed
on my lonely days

some things require patience

I am trying to understand myself,
while trying to teach us both
on how to love me.

to you

thank you
for being enough of
a sweetheart
to inspire me.
you are the perfect
cup of tea
on my cold days.

would you still like me to love you

i am the wind.
you are the land.
and i am not sure how to touch you
without causing you damage.

lovers in a broken city

he considered me a
beautiful catastrophe,
a city
that built itself up
and let itself fall
over and over again.
we described my mind
as the most intricate
architecture.
he became my favorite
late night phone call.
my favorite
only distant lover.
he was a transfusion,
that would flow through
my veins,
explaining his need
to be there.
he was different,
and he needed nothing more,
but to show his
genuine intentions,
and he received love.
he wanted to grasp
he wanted to understand
what made my skin crawl,
what made my knees weak,
what made rain fall from my eyes.
he wanted to understand how
the sun set every night,
into darkness,
and rose again
in the morning,
as strong and beautiful as before.
he wanted to walk with me.

maybe you are all that you need

I want you to know,
I respect your decision.
I respect that your journey has pulled you
to walk away,
to leave.
I respect that you have listened.
There is nothing more important
than the safe journey of your soul.
Do for you.
Do it all for you.
Be selfish and selfless
with your love.
Share your love,
but remember yourself.
Please,
Remember Yourself.
You will always be there.

thank you heart

When I find myself,
back to writing about the
trouble that you gave me,
I realize that my heart is
teaching me how to heal,
and then let go.