spring fools

try and tell me
that i am not honey
to your wounds,
and i will question
why you ignore the
blatant truth.
my love spreads on your
body
like butter
on warm biscuits,
and goes deep
inside of you
like a humming bird,
tasting a sweet
hibiscus flower.
yet, you still act,
like i am not
the most beautiful
love
you have ever
encountered?

3 Months of Solitary

Month One.

A single flower

Blooming

in a dark room

fed Confusion,

Disgust,

and 

Frustration. 

Month Two. 

Flowers

grow

even in the darkest

places,

even the most

beautiful flowers,

find

solitude

in a lonely

garden.

Month Three.

the flower

sprouts

a

bud.

my words have energy

Let
My
Words
Create
Galaxies
In
Your
Heart.

Journey

I
broke
many oceans,
climbed
many mountains,
cried
many tears
to get here.
my shoes are broken,
but my soul is
stronger,
now that I know
how
calm
alone is.

the cycle of forgettting

I didn't realize how badly
I wanted you around,
until you decided
to describe me
as something that you
constantly remember.
After not spending
over 15 years,
in the home
that nursed my scabbed
knees,
and held my
Sunday dinners,
I could barely remember
what color the walls were.
(how interesting is it
that I remember the short
rose bush
that housed pink roses,
outside in the front of the house)
I thought I would have a
harder time
remembering something
that I thought
I had forgotten.
I thought I had forgotten you.
Love showed me otherwise.
(The roses are still blooming)

love

love.

the nutrients that fuel

my every being,

pulling me closer to the

sunlight

on the dark days.

even when I feel alone,

I feel as though

love is still holding on to me.

grasping my hips,

holding my hand.

the maiden name

of my ancestors.

my destiny.

what I walk towards

every morning when

the sun whispers over my skin,

and the sound of birds

bury themselves inside of my

ears. 

beautiful.

love makes everything beautiful.

even the dirty things,

getting your toes muddy,

having your eyes 

covered in 

salt water.

still beautiful.

I've learned that love

is the very meaning

of my existence.

The very thing that

takes me out of the physical world

and puts my words

my spirit.

in the hearts of others.

do not ask for too much of something

There's a thin line
when receiving what you
have asked for.
Sometimes you receive
exactly what you want,
in a perfect amount.
Other times,
you get an overwhelming
flow of what
you thought you wanted,
but in abundance,
you realize you don't
want it much at all.
Ask for what you need.

understanding

I want him to understand
that sometimes,
I am full of an innocent joy.
I will wake up,
as goofy as a child on an early Saturday morning,
and I will leave corny
love letters
throughout the day,
bringing across the laughter
of a youth
seeing a clown.
Other days,
I want him to be the fire inside of my mind,
and slightly burning up my thighs,
and the kisses on my neck,
and
I want him to be here,
beside me,
under me,
on top of me.
But..
sometimes, I am
cold.
I prefer to be left alone,
to experience my feelings
by myself.
Sometimes I will act like I don't
want him around,
but I will expect him to love me anyways.
I will expect him to love me anyways.
on the darkest days,
on the days where nothing but passion
flows out of my mouth,
and some days I will want the youth
of love.

the motions of my mind

I am teaching myself
how to be comfortable with
crying one second,
then smiling the next.

some things require patience

I am trying to understand myself,
while trying to teach us both
on how to love me.

maybe you are all that you need

I want you to know,
I respect your decision.
I respect that your journey has pulled you
to walk away,
to leave.
I respect that you have listened.
There is nothing more important
than the safe journey of your soul.
Do for you.
Do it all for you.
Be selfish and selfless
with your love.
Share your love,
but remember yourself.
Please,
Remember Yourself.
You will always be there.

a taste of a dream

I like it
when the street lights are bright,
and I can feel you whisper
my name into my mouth.

I like it
when I can see how shy
you get when I'm in
your presence
and your hands start sweating
and your throat feels
like a lump of overly
soaked cotton.

I like it
when you call me yours,
and you act like I don't notice
how you stumble over your words
when you walk into the same room
as me.

I like it
how I can feel
how genuinely
you want to touch me,
mentally.
Physically too,
but baby I can tell that's
not what is on your mind right now.

But what I like the most is how
I can feel myself walking into you,
and I can trust what's inside of you,
to be good to what's inside of me.
I just want you to love me,
while I love you freely.

You're the perfect person,
that stepped out of my dreams,
into my reality.

unwanted feelings

when you ask someone to leave,
when you tell someone,
they are not worthy in your space,
you cannot show anger towards
them for following your instructions.
when you realize they are no longer around
and you want to feel their soul connect with yours
remember,
you get what you ask for.

Tomorrow

Nothing good has ever
come out of hating yourself,
hating your body,
hating your life,
hating the universe inside of you.
Take one day
and love everything about you:
the little scar above your eye,
the mole on your finger,
your "nappy" hair,
the way you wake up in the morning,
how your face feels before you've
covered it with makeup
and disgust,
and comparison.
And then take the next day,
and the next week.
Watch how the universe begins
to return the love you
are pouring out of yourself.

To Rest

here I am,
carrying a chip on my shoulder
that gives me the illusion of
carrying the
world on
my back.
Such a small thing,
causing so many problems
and I am still supposed to smile.
spare me
the "i have to be strong"
bullshit,
sometimes I just want
to lay down my head,
and
rest until I feel sane again.

is that enough

I still believe in you,
is that enough?
even though you have become
an unrecognizable face
in the crowd
until you decide you are lonely
and decide you want to get a taste
of my world again
(however, that only lasts a second).
I don't know where you went.
I don't know where the love
went.
I don't know what the love is.
shit,
I don't know what I did.
But I'm still here,
I still believe in you
and on your darkest hours,
remember that I am sending you
the brightest light.
I am still cheering you on,
even though I'm not on the field,
I'm hiding behind the stands
until you acknowledge me again.

you are the strongest tree

honey,
you are as sweet as sugar.
your words soothe aching souls.
your arms have embraced
not only the most broken,
but also yourself.
don't give up on yourself.
don't give up on the love you
have to give.
let yourself grow,
lose leaves,
break some branches.
just remember you are getting
stronger,
making room for
better leaves.
gaining stronger roots.

stay away from the water if you cannot swim

if you expect me
to silence my words,
cover my hurt,
and let go of my strength,
you have no reason
to try to speak to my soul,
much less to the life
in between my legs.
you don't go to the ocean
and ask it to stop creating waves,
because you are afraid of
drowning.

ill love the parts of you that you hate

if you can trust me,
let me speak light
into your wounds
to brighten up the places
that people have ruined
with their darkness.
let me bandage the places
with love,
to remind you that you are still,
as well as have been,
and always will be
beautiful.
that your soul is more than just
a container for
other people's problems.
it is more than the
cuts,
scars,
burns,
it is a beautiful
collection of
stars.

speechless

I cannot describe myself with words.
whether this is a good thing,
or a bad thing.
I am satisfied.