they should have warned us

they don't warn you about love,
and the lovers that wont love you back.
and how bad it hurts,
and you'll want to blame yourself,
for every little mistake,
every little chip and crack
in the glass.
they don't warn you,
that sometimes
your effort
does not equal
obligation.
and your effort
does not mean
reciprocated love.
some hearts are not meant to be held.
some hearts are fresh out the oven
and if you hold on to long,
you'll find yourself
with burns,
and welts all over your hands.
you'll put to much pressure
on yourself,
and instead of turning into a diamond,
you will turn into sand.
they didn't warn you about that.
they didn't warn you about how it hurts,
how it pulls,
and how it feels like you've
dipped your heart into ice water,
and you're watching it slowly
stop.
they didn't warn you about that.

Cheating Yourself

I used to get excited
to see your name
show up on my phone
late at night,
while i was at work,
when i was in the shower.
I would rush and hurry
to respond to make sure
you didn't lose interest,
and that you would reply
just as fast as
dried off my legs
and failed to rub lotion on.
And then I realized,
I was doing the same with you.
I was rushing,
hurrying,
making sure that we took each
step
one after another
without taking a break,
to make sure
that you didn't lose interest,
like i knew you eventually would.
I wasn't right for you,
and I tried to avoid that fact,
because I loved you.
I made you a country
in my world,
something like
Germany
in World War II.
You dominated.
And I tried to ignore that
at the end of the day,
you had more to find out about
yourself.
You weren't certain.
Instead of me acknowledging that
and passing you on
to yourself,
I tried to aid in your growth.

I became naive enough,
to let you stunt mine.

at least i was your something

it isn't hard

to see that

i am your

3 am thoughts,

your drunk words,

and i know that i always will be.

that's okay.

even if i can never be

the lover of your dreams,

nor the lover you

whisk away 

with lifelong

commitment,

it was a wonderful journey,

to be there,

while you were drinking your

vodka,

and you were 

waiting for your dreams

to come up 

to your eyes

late at night,

when you couldn't sleep.

walking

i hope that me leaving,
brings you a
breath of fresh air.
a relief,
a sense of a new leaf.
i hope you don't forget
the sun
waking us up in the morning.
i hope that you can see the
imprint of the smile
you left in my eyes.
i hope that you can see
the indent
me leaving,
has left in my mind.

spring fools

try and tell me
that i am not honey
to your wounds,
and i will question
why you ignore the
blatant truth.
my love spreads on your
body
like butter
on warm biscuits,
and goes deep
inside of you
like a humming bird,
tasting a sweet
hibiscus flower.
yet, you still act,
like i am not
the most beautiful
love
you have ever
encountered?

maybe you are all that you need

I want you to know,
I respect your decision.
I respect that your journey has pulled you
to walk away,
to leave.
I respect that you have listened.
There is nothing more important
than the safe journey of your soul.
Do for you.
Do it all for you.
Be selfish and selfless
with your love.
Share your love,
but remember yourself.
Please,
Remember Yourself.
You will always be there.

thank you heart

When I find myself,
back to writing about the
trouble that you gave me,
I realize that my heart is
teaching me how to heal,
and then let go.

unwanted feelings

when you ask someone to leave,
when you tell someone,
they are not worthy in your space,
you cannot show anger towards
them for following your instructions.
when you realize they are no longer around
and you want to feel their soul connect with yours
remember,
you get what you ask for.

be big

when the person that you love,
treats you like you are not worthy
of their love,
let them go.
their love is toxic to you,
and will teach you to belittle yourself.
you need to grow.

do you understand loyalty

you had me in the
palm of your hands, but you thought
hurting me was fine.

This is for you

When you came to love me,
I learned the difference between
being loved,
and being used.
Then I learned,
you didn't really love me at all.

is that enough

I still believe in you,
is that enough?
even though you have become
an unrecognizable face
in the crowd
until you decide you are lonely
and decide you want to get a taste
of my world again
(however, that only lasts a second).
I don't know where you went.
I don't know where the love
went.
I don't know what the love is.
shit,
I don't know what I did.
But I'm still here,
I still believe in you
and on your darkest hours,
remember that I am sending you
the brightest light.
I am still cheering you on,
even though I'm not on the field,
I'm hiding behind the stands
until you acknowledge me again.

shine your light loudly so others can hear

you are
an edible collection
of letters,
a cluster of words
that spell out
the most delectable
chocolate.
you are all of the riches,
that the queen wears
to a ceremony
of the departing of a life,
and all of the control
the king has over
his largest army.
you are a paradox,
a combination of far right
and far left ideas,
a beautiful safe containing
love letters,
a tragic mess of heartbreaks.
stop hating yourself,
when you are the one
that has been pulling yourself up
all of these years.
you're worth a beautiful symphony
of words.
sing the song of
your soul
loudly.

recovery intertwined with relapse

just when I think that
the world has stopped spinning
too fast for me to catch my breath,
and the sea has slowed down
so I can stop drowning
in its salty arms,
I get washed over
by a wave of
frustration,
anxiety,
despair,
and I have to learn to crawl again,
to the sand,
so I can rest.

you let the poison seep into my wounds

learn to let go
of the ones
that douse
your name in poison
when they speak it.

forgetfulness

Your name is another collection of letters
in the alphabet I learned when I was younger.
It no longer forms a specific word to me,
nothing special,
just a cluster of letters
that will be forgotten as soon
as I rest my bags at the door
and start a midday snack.
Comfort.
Because when we were young,
we weren't confined to our
memories of the
hurt,
the boy that picked on us,
the girl that had the "cooties".
By the time the day was over,
we only had our future dreams.
Your name is just another nightmare
in the past,
another thing I'll forget as I rise
in the morning.

you thought my heart was small

I keep little pieces
of all of the
hearts that have
fell deep
into the well
of my soul.
I still remember you,
and I am thankful for your
hurt,
your happy,
your flaws,
and your
little insecurities
that broke my
"little" heart.
when I ripped away
your pieces,
it made me feel
whole again.

alone is a blessing

an important part of love,
is learning how to be alone.
an important part of being alone
is learning how to enjoy it.
I've noticed that we struggle
to migrate with souls,
to blend with souls,
but it is as easy as simply
helping others understand
that you are journeying too.
you get their struggle.
embrace each other,
with open arms,
open hearts,
and spread kindness,
and you'll realize how much
of the universe is within you
and how many lives
you impact.

I know you are hurting

acknowledge your feelings,

and then let them move on.

they too are temporary.

they are not meant to

last for a lifetime.

one day,

all you will have

is a faint memory of their existence.

embrace that.

the sun will come soon.

nature.

an animal does not stay
where there are no resources
to serve it pleasure.
I could not limit myself to things
and people
that don't bring the simplicity
of peace
or add to my happiness.
I cannot commit mental suicide
staying in a situation that causes me
more pain and suffering
than happiness and peace.
I, too, must surround myself
with the resources that make me
happy,
fulfill me.
So I had to release.