they should have warned us

they don't warn you about love,
and the lovers that wont love you back.
and how bad it hurts,
and you'll want to blame yourself,
for every little mistake,
every little chip and crack
in the glass.
they don't warn you,
that sometimes
your effort
does not equal
obligation.
and your effort
does not mean
reciprocated love.
some hearts are not meant to be held.
some hearts are fresh out the oven
and if you hold on to long,
you'll find yourself
with burns,
and welts all over your hands.
you'll put to much pressure
on yourself,
and instead of turning into a diamond,
you will turn into sand.
they didn't warn you about that.
they didn't warn you about how it hurts,
how it pulls,
and how it feels like you've
dipped your heart into ice water,
and you're watching it slowly
stop.
they didn't warn you about that.

Cheating Yourself

I used to get excited
to see your name
show up on my phone
late at night,
while i was at work,
when i was in the shower.
I would rush and hurry
to respond to make sure
you didn't lose interest,
and that you would reply
just as fast as
dried off my legs
and failed to rub lotion on.
And then I realized,
I was doing the same with you.
I was rushing,
hurrying,
making sure that we took each
step
one after another
without taking a break,
to make sure
that you didn't lose interest,
like i knew you eventually would.
I wasn't right for you,
and I tried to avoid that fact,
because I loved you.
I made you a country
in my world,
something like
Germany
in World War II.
You dominated.
And I tried to ignore that
at the end of the day,
you had more to find out about
yourself.
You weren't certain.
Instead of me acknowledging that
and passing you on
to yourself,
I tried to aid in your growth.

I became naive enough,
to let you stunt mine.

kingdom

there is nothing
more
painful
than watching
my black
brothers,
king made
beings,
with such
mighty blood
pumping
through strong veins,
being treated
with such
hatred.
they want you
to believe
that you are a carcass,
found on the side of the road,
with no significance,
only there
for the lowest of animals,
the dirtiest of animals
to feed off of your
death.
they forget your royalty.
you,
black men,
you belong at the top of the sun,
shining down,
glistening,
walking
with grace.
you,
black men,
you deserve to sit on
top of clouds,
smiling and laughing
and living life
with such glory.
blackness is not a disease.
it is a blessing.
and while the vultures,
the maggots,
work sun up
and sun down
to destroy you,
you will always
be the king
of this jungle.

do you understand loyalty

you had me in the
palm of your hands, but you thought
hurting me was fine.

is that enough

I still believe in you,
is that enough?
even though you have become
an unrecognizable face
in the crowd
until you decide you are lonely
and decide you want to get a taste
of my world again
(however, that only lasts a second).
I don't know where you went.
I don't know where the love
went.
I don't know what the love is.
shit,
I don't know what I did.
But I'm still here,
I still believe in you
and on your darkest hours,
remember that I am sending you
the brightest light.
I am still cheering you on,
even though I'm not on the field,
I'm hiding behind the stands
until you acknowledge me again.

you are the strongest tree

honey,
you are as sweet as sugar.
your words soothe aching souls.
your arms have embraced
not only the most broken,
but also yourself.
don't give up on yourself.
don't give up on the love you
have to give.
let yourself grow,
lose leaves,
break some branches.
just remember you are getting
stronger,
making room for
better leaves.
gaining stronger roots.

shine your light loudly so others can hear

you are
an edible collection
of letters,
a cluster of words
that spell out
the most delectable
chocolate.
you are all of the riches,
that the queen wears
to a ceremony
of the departing of a life,
and all of the control
the king has over
his largest army.
you are a paradox,
a combination of far right
and far left ideas,
a beautiful safe containing
love letters,
a tragic mess of heartbreaks.
stop hating yourself,
when you are the one
that has been pulling yourself up
all of these years.
you're worth a beautiful symphony
of words.
sing the song of
your soul
loudly.

ill love the parts of you that you hate

if you can trust me,
let me speak light
into your wounds
to brighten up the places
that people have ruined
with their darkness.
let me bandage the places
with love,
to remind you that you are still,
as well as have been,
and always will be
beautiful.
that your soul is more than just
a container for
other people's problems.
it is more than the
cuts,
scars,
burns,
it is a beautiful
collection of
stars.

recovery intertwined with relapse

just when I think that
the world has stopped spinning
too fast for me to catch my breath,
and the sea has slowed down
so I can stop drowning
in its salty arms,
I get washed over
by a wave of
frustration,
anxiety,
despair,
and I have to learn to crawl again,
to the sand,
so I can rest.

you let the poison seep into my wounds

learn to let go
of the ones
that douse
your name in poison
when they speak it.

you thought my heart was small

I keep little pieces
of all of the
hearts that have
fell deep
into the well
of my soul.
I still remember you,
and I am thankful for your
hurt,
your happy,
your flaws,
and your
little insecurities
that broke my
"little" heart.
when I ripped away
your pieces,
it made me feel
whole again.

alone is a blessing

an important part of love,
is learning how to be alone.
an important part of being alone
is learning how to enjoy it.
I've noticed that we struggle
to migrate with souls,
to blend with souls,
but it is as easy as simply
helping others understand
that you are journeying too.
you get their struggle.
embrace each other,
with open arms,
open hearts,
and spread kindness,
and you'll realize how much
of the universe is within you
and how many lives
you impact.

loving for dummies

I wish there was an instruction manual
on how to love you.
I still want to,
but I need help learning how.

Embrace.

i embrace your hurt.
it gives me just enough
ink until i get my
fix.
im a feign.
and I’ve never been addicted
to any drug
but the false love of another person.
i can’t understand.
i embrace your hurt.
while you’re hurting me
you’re fueling me
im waiting for
the moment where you burn your finger
because you left me.
and i know you know it in your head
but i want to remind you too.
because every time you whisper into another souls ear
you’ll be cursed with feeling
my touch against your neck
my breath against your lips.
I’ve never understood your complaints of my love.
my apologies,
but you’ll have to live with the confusion too.