there is no important reason why

you don't need to know about the
mole on her stomach,
that looks like a continent,
even though you feel like she pulled
him miles away from you.

you don't need to know about
how he felt doubt when it came to you,
because he thought of you like vanilla ice cream,
and he was more of a pistachio flavor kinda guy.

it isn't important to know
how many times he thinks of you,
if he thinks of you at all,
if you even know the path of his
mind anymore.

you just accept and let go,
move on,
move forward.
you need to remind yourself
how you loved before him,
and you will love after him.
you were always yourself
without him.

thank you heart

When I find myself,
back to writing about the
trouble that you gave me,
I realize that my heart is
teaching me how to heal,
and then let go.

be big

when the person that you love,
treats you like you are not worthy
of their love,
let them go.
their love is toxic to you,
and will teach you to belittle yourself.
you need to grow.

This is for you

When you came to love me,
I learned the difference between
being loved,
and being used.
Then I learned,
you didn't really love me at all.

is that enough

I still believe in you,
is that enough?
even though you have become
an unrecognizable face
in the crowd
until you decide you are lonely
and decide you want to get a taste
of my world again
(however, that only lasts a second).
I don't know where you went.
I don't know where the love
went.
I don't know what the love is.
shit,
I don't know what I did.
But I'm still here,
I still believe in you
and on your darkest hours,
remember that I am sending you
the brightest light.
I am still cheering you on,
even though I'm not on the field,
I'm hiding behind the stands
until you acknowledge me again.

you let the poison seep into my wounds

learn to let go
of the ones
that douse
your name in poison
when they speak it.

confessions to past lovers.

10. I never got around asking my father to talk to me about men, because I never thought of him as one. Instead, I asked him for some time. Maybe I should have asked about men instead, but I don't think I would have learned much. I never really got either.
9. I used to think people were really beautiful with the honesty they had when they're drunk or angry. This is until you revealed that you loved me and hated me under the influence of both. Now I can't decide if you really love me or if you just tolerated me. Either way, I'm gone now.
8. I have dated too many men, I assumed were boys and I don't know how I really felt about many of them, does this make me obsessed or confused? Maybe there's something wrong with me. I think I just like the falseness of their words. Artificial things have always intrigued me, how we get it to seem so real.
7. I think I love you. I know it. But that doesn't mean anything. Just another half empty bottle left after a party that everyone is too hung over to finish. I'm too hung over to finish.
6. I know you're not here anymore, so can you stop taunting me in my dreams, showing up as the angel that I thought I knew. The wolf in sheep's clothing. I get it now, and you can go.
5. For the first time in a very long time, my heart is not attached to anything. I want you, but I no longer yearn for you to be there late at night to rub the curve of spine until I fall asleep.
4. All of the candles are getting dim. They're starting to burn out. I don't even recognize the sweet lavender scent anymore, much less, the nectar of your musk. I guess this is really what change is.
3. I spent a lot of time hating a lot of people for hurting me. Maybe I just hated myself, maybe it made me hate me. I let that go. I had none of that with you. I had no hate for you.
2.I did everything I could for you. I defied gravity to keep you around, and you still fail to acknowledge my presence. I can't say I believe much of what comes out of your mouth now. Your actions said it all.
1. Every day I find a new part of me to fall in love with. I am so hard on myself, and it was harder loving myself than it was loving you. Now it's easier to love myself, and I find it painful to continue loving you. My journey has continued.

Letting Go.

I clung to you,
like the last petal
on my favorite flower.
I couldn't accept that
it was time for me
to walk away,
softly,
as if it was a secret
only I was supposed to know.
It was a sweet dream
that turned into a bitter nightmare,
and while I wanted you,
you wanted the idea of me,
and it'd be harder for you
to accept the full divine being of me
than it would be for me
to try to be everything for you.
It's okay now.
I loved you,
I still do.
And though I want the best for
myself,
I want even better for you.

Tired

You’re still stuck in my head,
and my god,
I’m getting bored with
the fact that my mind has become a
slave to the
“thought” of us.
of me. and. you.
like you were the only river connected to the sea
and I, just could not get enough of your scent.
how you touched me like I was
the last soft thing in the world,
and you couldn’t just wait to indulge in my soul.
and I can’t get over
how your mouth feels on mine.
 I gave myself, so openly,
so freely, raw
like I didn’t previously build up every wall possible
a lock without a key
like I didn’t want to taste any other man,
except the king that I was supposed to love.
and you brought those walls down.
there is no other one that can open me up
 like you.
I can’t get rid of you
the trees
                              the stars
                                                            the sun
they all whisper your name.
and early in the morning,
when not even the birds are awake,
it makes me sick.
you, you make me sick.
I just can’t fathom that you
might not want me
like I want you.
and I secretly hope that I could get drunk off of your scent,
and you can get high off of my love,
and we can balance out our lows,
sort out all of the puzzle pieces
we thought would break us.
stumbling over each other’s feet.
 you’ll fall back into my gaze,
the one that won’t even last five seconds
                              now.
and you come as quickly as I cry,
and you go,
as easily as
you make me cum.
and fuck, I mean I crave you in me
even when you act like you don’t
need
me,
like you didn’t fall in love with me too.
you’re like a bad spell, a good spell,
and you can’t tell how I feel,
(cause lets be real, I don’t know how I feel)
and you took out a piece of me,
the same way one took the forbidden apple
off of the tree.
you left me bare
and I can’t find anyone
who mentally intoxicates me like you do, taking my existence.
my breath comes so easily
with you.
and I am tired of writing
poem
after poem about you,
and having dream after dream
about you
about someone making you their home,
like MY heart doesn’t still sit so deep within you,
waiting on your front porch
for a cool breeze that may never come.
and I’ve waited and I’ve waited, and I’ve waited
I cannot take, how the love of my life
how I might not be the love of his.
you were so delectable
and we were so beautiful.
and I can’t figure out how to keep my heart from hurting,
while I wait for the moon to show.