confessions to past lovers.

10. I never got around asking my father to talk to me about men, because I never thought of him as one. Instead, I asked him for some time. Maybe I should have asked about men instead, but I don't think I would have learned much. I never really got either.
9. I used to think people were really beautiful with the honesty they had when they're drunk or angry. This is until you revealed that you loved me and hated me under the influence of both. Now I can't decide if you really love me or if you just tolerated me. Either way, I'm gone now.
8. I have dated too many men, I assumed were boys and I don't know how I really felt about many of them, does this make me obsessed or confused? Maybe there's something wrong with me. I think I just like the falseness of their words. Artificial things have always intrigued me, how we get it to seem so real.
7. I think I love you. I know it. But that doesn't mean anything. Just another half empty bottle left after a party that everyone is too hung over to finish. I'm too hung over to finish.
6. I know you're not here anymore, so can you stop taunting me in my dreams, showing up as the angel that I thought I knew. The wolf in sheep's clothing. I get it now, and you can go.
5. For the first time in a very long time, my heart is not attached to anything. I want you, but I no longer yearn for you to be there late at night to rub the curve of spine until I fall asleep.
4. All of the candles are getting dim. They're starting to burn out. I don't even recognize the sweet lavender scent anymore, much less, the nectar of your musk. I guess this is really what change is.
3. I spent a lot of time hating a lot of people for hurting me. Maybe I just hated myself, maybe it made me hate me. I let that go. I had none of that with you. I had no hate for you.
2.I did everything I could for you. I defied gravity to keep you around, and you still fail to acknowledge my presence. I can't say I believe much of what comes out of your mouth now. Your actions said it all.
1. Every day I find a new part of me to fall in love with. I am so hard on myself, and it was harder loving myself than it was loving you. Now it's easier to love myself, and I find it painful to continue loving you. My journey has continued.