To Rest

here I am,
carrying a chip on my shoulder
that gives me the illusion of
carrying the
world on
my back.
Such a small thing,
causing so many problems
and I am still supposed to smile.
spare me
the "i have to be strong"
bullshit,
sometimes I just want
to lay down my head,
and
rest until I feel sane again.

you let the poison seep into my wounds

learn to let go
of the ones
that douse
your name in poison
when they speak it.

you dont have to be small

you are as gentle as a cool breeze,
and as powerful as the sun.
stop selling your self short for others.
you can be great,
and they can be great.
nature needs multiple things to prosper.

self love is crucial

figure out how to love the deepest,
most painful parts of yourself first,
then you'll be able to love others
properly,
with more ease.

why "cool" doesn't describe mental illnesses.

In no ways is it beautiful.
I do not feel glamorous.
It is cold.
It is the constant want to stay in bed.
It is loud and quiet
all at the same time.
Breaking yourself into little pieces,
watching yourself crumble,
and learning how to pick yourself up
all over again.
It is missing a meal,
to missing two meals,
to losing twenty pounds
to missing your appetite.
It is not "pretty",
It is not something to aspire to be.
I've gotten to watch the monsters
I was afraid of,
crawl from under my bed
to under my sheets,
and inside of my mind.
I am drowning,
and swimming at the same time.
A cycle of recovery,
relapse,
realization.
You teach yourself
how to save yourself.
This is a type of sadness,
the ones who have it,
don't want it to be.