meals

i remember learning about
a guy that decided
to disappear from the normal world
and go without eating
for days,
upon days,
and some how
i thought that starving myself
for a 56 days
would give me enough
clarity
so that I could feel refreshed.
I didnt.
And when 56
turned to 63 and
63 to 79,
i started feeling like i was
wasting away,
becoming nothing,
versus gaining the whole world
inside of me.
I began portioning my emotions,
like i was portioning my meals,
trying to keep myself
from
feeling wheezy from too much anger,
and too full from to much sadness.
i couldnt bite my tongue anymore
because
i kept spoonfuls of emotions
under it,
waiting
to spit them out
when I was alone in the room.
I couldn't find the ending.
I couldn't find the ending,
because I can still look at the mirror
and see my face
bloated with sadness,
my stomach stuffed with frustration,
and my fingers swollen with lonely.